March 23 2012

Well we learned that Devin's first surgery was going to be on March 23, 2012. We had a busy week of the 19 thur 23 appointment after appointments between Cj and Devin. We got the phone that we have been waiting for on Thursday saying that Devin's surgery was schedule at 930 so we had to be up at Primary Children's Hospital by 8 in the morning on Friday. We arrived and got set up and then the waiting game began. Well, Dr. Fairbanks was running a little late so the surgery was pushed til 10. He went back for surgery by 1030. It was a 3 hour wait and one that I'll have to more to come. He is now doing great and going back to himself. It's a long hard road for me and emotionally as well. At times I feel like I'm a failure as a wife and a mother. But I'll do ookay.

The Date Is Set

The date is set for March 23, 2012.

I know this day was coming, but not this soon. It's so surreal to think two weeks as of this friday that my lil' guy is going in for his first set of surgeries. I really don't know how I feel right now about it?!? I know I'll be fine physically but emotionally no. I hate the thought that my lil' guy is going to have to have surgeries at a young age, but I know it is best for him in the near future. I guess it is a bitter sweet moment at this time. I came into this knowing that he'll have to have surgeries, but the realization of it all is sinking in at once. It feels as though a ton of bricks had been drop from a skyscraper on to my chest and is crushing my heart. I love my lil' guy and I want what is best for him. I have faith in the surgeons that are going to do surgeries on my son. I know deep  down that everything will be okay and my son will come out of this like a champ that is his. He is a strong lil' guy that he is for being 3 months old. I know that my heavenly father is watching over him and as for my grandma Kerr and Wanlass are watching over him and so is lil' Jeremy. I know I have the love and support of my family for him and the greatest of them all is my husband. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my husband by my side going through this time in our life. I don't know if I could ever do it alone?!? I'm scared really scared and I don't know why?!? I want to find a dark hole and hide for  a little while until I can get my emotions under control and be strong for my lil' guy. I don't want to see my lil guy any pain, but it's more than likely going to happen and there is nothing I can do I feel so helpless for him and I really don't know what I'm going to do. I could scream?!? Or I could cry?!? Bur what is that going to do for me, NOTHING but give me a headache. (This is not depression this is me being worried and concern for the safety of my child.) We will find out what time the surgery will be the day before the surgery is schedule but it's looking like 9 am and the surgery will go for 3 hours.